TECH: ``Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?''
CUST: ``Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.''
TECH: ``What sort of trouble?''
CUST: ``Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.''
TECH: ``Went away?''
CUST: ``They disappeared.''
TECH: ``Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?''
CUST: ``Nothing.''
TECH: ``Nothing?''
CUST: ``It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.''
TECH: ``Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?''
CUST: ``How do I tell?''
TECH: ``Can you see the `C' prompt on the screen?''
CUST: ``What's a sea-prompt?''
TECH: ``Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?''
CUST: ``There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.''
TECH: ``Does your monitor have a power indicator?''
CUST: ``What's a monitor?''
TECH: ``It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?''
CUST: ``I don't know.''
TECH: ``Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?''
CUST: ``...Yes, I think so.''
TECH: ``Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.''
CUST: ``...Yes, it is.''
TECH: ``When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?''
CUST: ``No.''
TECH: ``Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.''
CUST: ``...Okay, here it is.''
TECH: ``Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.''
CUST: ``I can't reach.''
TECH: ``Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?''
CUST: ``No.''
TECH: ``Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?''
CUST: ``Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle--it's because it's dark.''
TECH: ``Dark?''
CUST: ``Yes. The office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.''
TECH: ``Well, turn on the office light then.''
CUST: ``I can't.''
TECH: ``No? Why not?''
CUST: ``Because there's a power outage.''
TECH: ``A power... a power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?''
CUST: ``Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.''
TECH: ``Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.''
CUST: ``Really? Is it that bad?''
TECH: ``Yes, I'm afraid it is.''
CUST: ``Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?''
TECH: ``Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer.''