I am the very model of a Usenet individual,
I've information meaningless and ultimately trivial,
I know the basic elements of alien biology,
And all the hidden secrets of the Church of Scientology,
I've seen ``The Wrath of Khan'' and every Star Trek film that followed it,
I moan about my Servicecard and how the cash till swallowed it,
About the laws on handguns I am sending off a counterblast,
With many cheerful facts about the way you can MAKE MONEY FAST!
ALL:
With many cheerful etc.
I'll tell you why the Japanese are taking over Panama,
And why the USA is still a better place than Canada,
In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
I am the very model of a Usenet individual.
ALL:
In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
He is the very model of a Usenet individual.
I post in alt.revisionism lies about the Holocaust,
I cut my .sig to twenty lines, I didn't want to, I was forced,
I really can't believe the ``Good Times'' virus to be mythical,
And Clinton's raising taxes which is, frankly, bloody typical,
I've upset several people on alt.flame, I really don't know how,
And sent a thousand business cards to Mr. and Mrs. Shergold now,
I have a very poor grip of political geography,
And absolutely no involvement (yet!) in child pornography.
ALL:
And absolutely no, etc.
I've paid two-fifty dollars for the Nieman-Marcus recipe,
And told the Spanish tourist's tale about the toothbrush pessary,
In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
I am the very model of a Usenet individual.
ALL:
In short, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
He is the very model of a Usenet individual.
In fact, when I know what is meant by ``binary'' and ``FTP,''
When I know how to decode porno JPEGs from a .uue,
When I can handle HTML, Telnet, mail and IRC,
And when I know the words initialised to form ``http,''
When I have learnt what topics are acceptable in talk.bizarre,
When I know more of Usenet than the tailpipe of a motor-car,
In short, when I've a smattering of elementary netiquette,
You'll say a better individual has never surfed the Net.
ALL:
You'll say a better individual, etc.
For my technical experience, although I claim to know it all
Could barely serve to run the installation disk from AOL;
But still, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
I am the very model of a Usenet individual.
ALL:
But still, in matters meaningless and ultimately trivial,
He is the very model of a Usenet individual.