"How to have a Bad Research Career" 

David A. Patterson
Computer Science Division/EECS Department
University of California at Berkeley

The first-half of the talk is a tongue-in-cheek presentation
of how to have a bad career in research, including:

* Let Complexity be Your Guide (Confuse Thine Enemies)
* Never be Proven Wrong
* Use the Computer Scientific Method
* Don't be Distracted by Comments of Others (Avoid Feedback)

and suggestions along similar lines about technology transfer,
writing papers, and giving talks. Given my background, this advice
is aimed at having a bad career in computer systems while at a
research university, although some parts may generalize.

The second half of the talk is advice on alternatives to
a bad career.

This talk was given as the keynote address at the inaugural
Symposium on Operating Systems Design and Implementation on
November 15, 1994 in Monterey, California.